She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
