There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
