google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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