Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
