I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
