He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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