oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
