can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
