Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
