It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
