He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
