bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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