I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
The air taste purple.
Randomize
