Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
