So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
