so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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