Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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