Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
