so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
