Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My dad is sitting where you rode me
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
