If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
