I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I am one with the molecules
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
