five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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