walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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