Can i not drive my cunt home
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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