i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
