Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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