oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
