WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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