ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
