Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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