I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
