My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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