its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
