also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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