using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
