god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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