UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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