I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
