You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
