i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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