fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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