Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
