My friends, they love my intelligence
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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