Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
