Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Is it because I queefed?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
