You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's blow job season.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
