Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
