It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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