You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
