so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
