There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
